The Burger Crawl – Worst. Idea. Ever.

October 5th, 2009 by Richard Chudy

miracle in the form of a burgerAh, the Burger Crawl. I’m not sure who’s brilliant idea this was (let’s blame Nick), but I sure as hell promoted it and was as excited as anyone. Six burgers in a day? No problem, I could fast the night before, not eat breakfast and be good to go. It was spaced out perfectly, an hour and a half in between stops, some good walking to stretch us out, surely it couldn’t be that bad?? To be honest, we had an amazing time, despite the lousy weather, and the bloated feeling that we might never eat another burger again, this was one for the ages. Some folks run marathons (or you can be like Katie, run marathons and eat a ton of burgers), some people try to find a cure for cancer. But us, we like our red meat, and lots of it, but that’s nothing new.

In total, nineteen of us braved the conditions (some for part of the crawl, a few select for the entirety) but in the end, only three of us completed the mission. Props to Melissa for chugging along in her hungover state, but she was a trooper and ate her fair share, including a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup for some reason. Jeff “the only republican I like”Clegg and Faith made it to all but one place, amazing effort all-around. Nick and Paul D? Well, we’ll get to them later. Isman and his crew were kind enough to join us for a few, so glad to have them for this historic moment. Why do I feel like I’m giving an Oscar speech right now? Probably because anyone who was involved knows what kind of effort and stamina this took. A few others were there for a burger or two, their efforts cannot be overlooked.

The real heroes of the crawl, however, were the three who finished; Paul B, Nate, and myself. Nate killed it all day, he probably could have done more if given the chance, very impressive. Paul and I did finish, six burgers in total, including a double cheeseburger at Charlie’s Kitchen to make up for the mini burger at The Cellar, what a way to go out. But it wasn’t always easy, I definitely hit a wall during the third burger at The Miracle of Science. By the time we arrived at Charlie’s, I didn’t think there was any way I could finish, but I knew there was no way I could fail. I easily gained about five pounds (or more) during the day, and look at this sexy stomach below to prove the disgust.(not mine)

And then there’s Nick and Paul. After the fifth burger and one pink doughnut, they fled the scene. Burger overload, probably a good idea considering the text Paul sent me moments afterward. “my car is a bio-hazard right now. Nick let off a vomit bomb.” Yep, told you it was disgusting. So maybe it was good they didn’t join us for the last stop, but maybe we’re all a little disappointed they couldn’t finish. I’m not sure if we’ll be doing this again, if we do, it wont be more than three burgers, six is more meat than anyone should be eating in one day. They were all tasty in their own way, but I have to say the burger at Miracle of Science is still king. I may not achieve much in this lifetime, but I think it’s fair to say that eating six burgers in one day may be on my tombstone someday.

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